Marrying Your Best Friend

Sometimes our light goes out but is blown
into flame by another human being. 

Each of us has cause to think with 

deep gratitude of those who rekindle
the light within us.

                                        Albert Schweitzer

This is one of my favorites.  Mr. Lee and I hand lettered
this quote on our Save the Date invitations for our wedding.

.

We highly recommend marriage to your best friend.

Share your bliss with  extended family and friends.

Seek shared experiences.

Collect memories and things you treasure.

1946 - 2015

Today would have been my parent's 69th
wedding anniversary.
They had the real deal.
Thick or thin.
In sickness and in health.
Through difficult circumstances,
there was NEVER a thought of divorce.

Today, I'll celebrate their memory
and the strength of their commitment.

 .

Marriage Built to Last

Success in marriage, depends on being able,
when you get over love, to really love.
                                     Eleanor Roosevelt

Happy Anniversary, Mr. Lee.
You are my light, strength and encouragement.
We share laughter and pain.
Find joy and mourn together.
We pray and humble ourselves.

For three days before our wedding
I was a mess, just an evil fear filled
bride.  My heart could not sustain
the thought of ever getting divorced,
again. You were my anchor then as
now.

The secrets for your own happy marriage.

1.  Pick well, don't EVER settle.
     Listen to your little voice.

2.  The more things in common the better.
      Opposites may attract, but it rarely lasts.

3.  Avoid addictions of any kind.  Seriously.
     You can't change anyone,
     no matter HOW much you love them.

4.  Put your mate first.
     For success both partners must commit to put the other first.

5.  Hold you anger.  Fight FAIR.  Love IS patient and kind.

6.  Remember why you fell in love.
     Imagine your partner's 8 year old face.

7.  Everyone is irritating at times.

8.  Allow for distance when one or both partners are tired.

9.  Don't go to bed angry.
     Don't leave the house angry.
     Don't say anything in the HEAT of the moment, only to regret it later.

10. NEVER utter the word DIVORCE.

Commit and be true.  We all carry useless worn out luggage into our
relationships.  We also carry the luggage our partners may not
be able to bear. Growing up, my brother and I would wake up to
our parents arguing every morning.

Joe and I would pray for a divorce.
It was years later, during my father's illness, when
I witnessed the depth of my mother's love.
To her dying day she could recall his full name and
identify him in photographs.

I choose to NOT have my children pray for their parents' divorce,
to set a GOOD example for the watchful eyes of children,
nieces and nephews and friends. 

All the pain/cobwebs of the past must be cleared for a joyful
marriage.  If growing up you witnessed harm, if
as a child, you weren't protected from an ugly marriage or
a parade of bad parental relationships, how will you cope?
How will you NOT be a magnet doomed to repeat
the errors of your memories.   Face your fears,
address the past to ensure a bright future.

No one gets married planning for divorce.
Divorce is devastating
to couples, families and to social structure.

A marriage is not the uniting of halves,
it is the uniting of wholes.
United for love, care and companionship.

 More my love.

Love to Last a Lifetime

In, what I like to call, my former life, I had a interior designer and a mural artist.
The mural artist, Carol Cartwright, introduced me to the interior designer.
I was probably 27 years old living a privileged but empty existence.   

The interior designer had been a nurse, in her former life.
In retrospective, she may have recognized her younger self
in me.

She had been married for over 20 years and raised a family. 
The marriage was shallow and eventually ended in divorce.

While she was a nurse, she fell in love with a cardiac patient.
They married and united their grown children and ex-spouses
into a large extended family.  They celebrated holidays and even
sailed together. 

Her beloved husband passed seven years into their enchanted marriage. 
What is lucid in my recollection is her sharing:  "Those seven years filled
me like the 20 years never could."

Recognize the light bulbs of your life.
                                                 little e

The movie Hope Springs

Sigh.

This movie was do difficult for me to watch.
I recognized that marriage and it was not pleasant visiting.
If you are living in a marriage or relationship that doesn't make your 
soul sing viewing this movie may help.  Drag your man.
It is a chick flick for men who want a better marriage, too.

This week I discovered Dennis Swanberg on Focus on the Family.
Sometimes Focus is too much.  Too far to the right, homophobic, too 1950s,
but sometimes it quenches my desire for something simpler.
Something sweet like southern iced tea.

I love Dennis' spin on marriage and his southern drawl.
The fashion and hair in the videos is so 80s...big hair for women
and all kinds of pieces on the men.

Random thoughts not about marriage.

  

















Years ago a bought the moss rose pattern above in teacups. 
Later, Joe, gave me similar saucers.  Still love them.

During our recent visit to Half Moon Bay, my friend
snapped this photo.  It's the apartment building that
has occupied 424 Purisima for years.

This photo is a bit wobbly.  The cuteness probably
made me nervous.

Thermos heaven.

In Love with a Hardworking Man

Seek and ye will find.
Sometimes you don't have to seek.
Sometimes it is about seeing what is in front of you.
Being in the right place at the right time.

Do go to the places that matter to you.
Participate in the activities you love.
Find your passion and your mate may be there, too.

AS has slowed me down significantly.
Still I would not marry a lazy man.

Before we arrived in America, my father was
a dairyman...a farmer.
 We had a little milk can much like the
one below.  Times were hard, but mother
used to say,  we always had milk.
This meant we didn't go to bed with
empty bellies.
This meant we had drinking milk and
could make cheese.   Sugar was a luxury.
If we had water, the ingredients for bread,
coffee, milk for drinking, cheese for eating,
eggs and a bit of vegetables we were good.

Father was a hard worker.  I don't recall him
grumbling about going to work.  It was what
you did even if you hated it.  He always lent
a hand to the neighbors.

Don't pick a man who walks around with
his hands in his pockets. 
His underwear showing.

Longevity in Life and Love

Years ago while trying to sustain an unsustainable marriage,
I started reading mind body connection books.  Once I felt
stable and left the marriage I abandoned the books I was reading.


Today, I started reading When the Body Says No
exploring the stress-disease connection by Gabor Mate, M.D.

A best selling author in Canada but not here.

Many of us live, if not alone, then in emotionally inadequate relationships 
that do not recognize, or honour our deepest needs.  Isolation and stress
affect many who may believe their lives are quite satisfactory. 

                                                                       - Gabor Mate, M.D.


Life is not easy.  Pick a praying man.

Ask your suitor.  Do you pray?
If his answer is,
"I am not religious but I appreciate (or love) that you are."

RUN the way. You need a partner in all you do.
Gone should be the days when only the wife or mother
attends the places of worship.

In truth I am not religious  in the conventional bible thumper way.
In the way people use religion to support their anger and hate.
In the way religion is used to segregate.  The way some priests
used their position of authority to abuse children  or support slavery.


I do have a personal relationship with Christ.
Maybe that is why it is so easy for me
to vocalize things of the spirit. 
I enjoy sincerely enjoy symbols of organized religion.
A Bible is a constant.

Do I wish I attended church more often, yes.
Do I enjoy fellowship, yes.
Do I have friends from all faiths, yes.
Good people can be found as believers and nonbelievers.  
In selecting a partner, I still insist a shared faith is easier.
The more things in common the better for the longevity of  marriage.


Be equally yoked.  The scripture below
was not about marriage but it is useful here.
Great visual of the two oxen yoked together.


2 Corinthians 6:14

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers:

for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? 

and what communion hath light with darkness?

If attending church, praying in crisis, or
raising children in a a faith.
Eating vegetarian, voting for the Dems or GOP matters.
Pick a like minded mate.

Vintage tablecloths as art

Mr. Lee from the beginning told me he was a praying man.
He had jealous bones.

He was secure in his manhood and heterosexuality.
He was not homophobia.  In my opinion, men that are are scary.
He had been raised by a strong mother who worked outside of the home.
He would support my perpetual student tendencies.
Most importantly, he understood children come first.

Green olives...yum.

 



The bonus was he enjoyed reading, magazines,
thrifting, art, music, old movies,
and the hunt for vintage 
Oh yes, Joe would want me to tell you, Mr. Lee could
move a big couch. 
And agreed we would care for my mother if the opportunity
arose.  

You know homemakers took care in setting their dinner tables.

Chasing Crafts: Thoughts on Marriage

Marriage is  like this little cabinet.
A work in progress.
This little cabinet has been in progress for nearly a year.

A gathering of memories and tokens representing a share life.
A family.
A marriage.

Step 1

My oldest niece.
The first of 11 grandchildren for my parents.
My godchild.
The little sister I prayed for.
Got married yesterday.

Step 2

Distance in miles kept us apart.
My mind and heart go to her and her groom.
To share a life better than the life they would
have led alone.  

Marriage is like this planting.
The jade is smooth with rounded edges.
Drought tolerant.  Simple.
Thriving even with neglect.

The germanium represents the poor man's rose.
Requiring some water and attention.
Bright with flowers and leaves.
Seasons for blooming and rejuvenation.

This pairing represents compatibility and contrast.
The delicate and sturdy nature of marriage.
Marriage is a living and growing thing.

A Wedding Prayer

Gracious and precious Lord
God of wonder and love
Through thine will everything is possible
For your pleasure, please bless the couple before you
Lord, place a seed of generous support in their hearts
Have them seek you in all times but
Especially in times of trial and worry

Please be  present in their hearts
and minds today and everyday

May the witnesses present today
Renew their own heartfelt vows
Commit these witnesses to support
This marriage

In your infinite wisdom bless this union
Help them, Lord, to honor you
Through honoring each other
May their love grow continuously
May the richness of respect and gratitude 
Fill their hearts
May they together be a blessing to others
May they have fire only for each other

Help them, Lord, choose the words and actions
They exchange

Lord, improve their vision to see only the
good in each other
And finally, Lord, allow them to love their
differences
and form a new future as one

Thank you, Lord for hearing this petition

Amen

Whispers from the Lord

“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly,
but rarely admit the changes it has gone
through to achieve that beauty.”
― Maya Angelou

Cabinet Feet

Words take my breath away.

I hear the Lord speaking to me.
He leads me to places, bible verses, books,
messages, and music to stretch my imagination.
Delighting my soul.

He lead me to a man who healed my heart and
shares my spirit.

Multitasking...painting and magazine appreciation

My platform will become a canvas

In art, as in marriage, it is the evolution, the
growth of spirit through exploring.

This little cabinet from Tim Holtz's
Idea-ology collection has been
in process since our last wedding anniversary.
Nearly a year in process.  Still more to do.

Musing

One of my favorite book series.
Jan Karon's Father Tim in the Mitford books.

Married in haste

to repent at leisure.

These High, Green Hills

These three little sailors were found in the gift shop
on the St. Mary in Long Beach.  Little guys didn't come
home with us but they were charming and original.
The little sailors are similar to Petey from Susan Branch's blog.

Pick a Man who Loves Women

During my daily commute, I have been listening
to sermons from one of my favorite pastors.....Steve Mays
or listening to my favorite radio
programs Splendid Table or Pacifica Radio.

Driving home yesterday I caught a program
about what to do if you spouse says, "I don't love you
anymore." A book by the same title provides an interesting
and useful Christian perspective.
David Clarke, PhD is the author, he advises
the hurt spouse to get angry to keep
from getting stuck and jump start the healing process.

In Dr. Clarke's practice, he has found that in most cases
when a spouse declares the lack of love it is because
they are already in deep sin.  An affair, pornography
or other addiction. 

Seek a man who loves and respects women.
Avoid character flaws.
Don't make excuses.

JoAnn from Bensonhurst gives great practical advice.
Married for 34 years she knows what it takes
to keep it together.

Tomato from our yard

Next project look for a coat of paint.

Add marbles to your pots.


Mr. Lee told me right from the beginning he preferred the 
company of women.  I admitted I preferred the company of men.
We really do have friends in those categories but we never
put ourselves in a position of disadvantage.  If someone
at work captures your fancy don't allow yourself to be alone
together.  
Even if you are single, my strong advice is to avoid office romances.

For the unscrupulous, married people are the most attractive.
A challenge, the thrill of the hunt, and relatively safe bet
no commitment will be necessary.  Don't do it and don't
think it will be different with you.


My marriage is the most precious thing and I will protect it with all
my being.


 

Marriage is joyful

Married life is intended to be joyful. 




Enjoy life with the wife whom thou lovest.
                                        Ecclestiastes 9:9

Keeping Love Alive..Marriage Wednesday

Visit Country Roads

The alarm goes off at 4:15 a.m. weekday mornings.  Mr. Lee
looked right into my eyes this morning and said, "You are so
into me."  Matter of fact it is true. Every day I love him MORE. 
You know how you look at your babies when they sleep?
Some times he watches me and other times I watch him. 
It is the same unconditional love.

Is it perfect every day, well of course not.  Not every day but
most days.  Two strong personalities, intertwined make us
better some how. 



Mr. Lee's mom,  happily married over 50 years, says it doesn't even
get really good until after 20 years and she should know.

The foundation has to be there...marriage doesn't get better on its
own.  You must pick carefully,  I can never say this enough. 
You must be equally yoked, you must love unconditionally,
and you must maintain passion for each other.  The kind of
passion that sustains life long friendships.  In marriage, as
in friendship, you are better because you have shared experiences.
Shared interests. 

Here's the kicker you can't give up..and if you have picked well
you will never want to give up.  Forsaking all others is easy because
you only have eyes for your mate. 

You bet Mr. Lee, I am really into you.
Thank you for continuing to make my roses
bloom. 

David Austin Cabbage Roses for me

Perfumed varieties

Hybrid Teas for him

Mister Lincoln

In All Times

Success in marriage depends on being able, 

when you get over being in love, to really love....

Eleanor Roosevelt


In all times seek a Godly partner.
This is not the same thing as a
Christian.  It is not a specific religious
belief.  It may be identified as a strength of character,
admired behaviors and strong convictions.
It is witnessed  as devotion to family, to friends and to
loved ones. A love so true it will light your path
in darkness.

Country Roads

A Godly partner is consistent.
They are trustworthy and sought out for
counsel.  They are not afraid to speak out
against injustice, they are passionate and kind.


A Godly partner fights fair, listens with
their heart, and desires only the best for their mate.
Godly partners seek to understand and support.

A Godly partner has eyes only for their mate.
They do not casually turn to assess a passing
stranger.  They do not feel like something is missing.
They are content because they too sought out a Godly partner.

A Godly partner holds their mate in high
esteem and devotion.
They surrender the I for the we. 

A Godly partner overflows with love and admiration.
A Godly partner is blessed with the power of the Holy
Spirit. An unconditional love so powerful it transcends
time and space. 

The best part of sharing a life with a Godly partner
is the richness and depth that occurs over time.

Country Roads

Marriage Wednesday

Tiny Bubbles sung by Don Ho was added to our
our music queue.  Doesn't this charming couple
remind you of  Hawaiian wedding? Warm all over.

Every bride and groom should  plan for a bed of roses.
But prepare for thorns, pruning and the bare root season.
These are the seasons of life and marriage.

Inside I feel 6 feet tall.  Never mind that I am shrinking
from my original 5' 1" stature.  My poor diseased spine
makes me look like a candy cane.  I pay no never mind.
My mother used to say I know I am little and it doesn't
bother me. She also said her mother's nose
dragged on the ground and mine would, too.
It hurt her but reality is reality.  Mother
wanted to raise realistic children. 
Good attitude. Me?  I lived in the sea of
denial until today. 

My cane arrived and I was crest
fallen it is a TINY 31" and fits perfectly. What am I
worried about?  I imagined my 6' self with a heavy
dangerous weapon. A tangerine colored weapon of terror.
To beat would be attackers off.
Just like Holly says keep your eyes open and
punch them in the face.  Honestly,  I don't think
a swift bang to the back of the head of an
intruder would work. Luckily the husband
always investigates.
 
What does my husband say, you ask.
He says, "You are my girl."
There you have it.  Marry someone to
love you through it all.  Love your mate
a little more each and every day.


What about a movie date night?

Easy Living with Jean Arthur  1937

Joe: This one is beautiful.  I love the guy who plays Louis Louis.
       Never heard of the actor but he is a true comic genius.  Jean Arthur
       is a wonderful actress that is not often remembered but she is terrific.
       She doesn't have the quirks and facial expressions or glamor
       of  Dietrich, Crawford, etc.  To me, she is a true actress.
       Dietrich did a movie about her and called her, "a plucked chicken.:"
       What a big B and a P!

Me: B and P mean the same thing just two different languages.
       This was adorable. I love the Hotel Louis.  The cafeteria scene
       is grand, too. 

The Palm Beach Story 1942

Joe: This one stars the delightful Claudette Colbert.
       Beautiful face like a four leaf
       clover but no neck.
       Perfect vamp because there isn't too much area between
       he lips and cleavage!

Me: My favorite character is the "weenie king."  It is
       a great story. 

 Talk of the Town 1942

Joe: Really great movie.  This is a comedy but there is suspense
       especially in the beginning. Worth getting through the suspense
       to have a really enjoyable movie.  Great actors including the villains.

Me: Haven't seen it yet but Joe's been on target. 

Theodora Goes Wild

Joe:  This is a very cute movie about the moralities of a bygone age.

Me:   Love the hats, hot tea, stuffy uptight ladies, and small town gossip. 
         Formal events with tails. 

Make Something from Pam Garrison