On Being the Slow One

Oh, everyone thinks Mr. Lee is so wonderful.
What you may not know is that he is quick witted
and mean spirited.

He says:  What day is it?
Sleepy headed me: Let's see Friday, was September 11th.
Today is the 13th, happy anniversary happy anniversary.
It's okay you've gotten a few times in the last 18 years.
He says: You are mean.
I say: I'm not mean.
He causally gets up and hands me my phone.
He had texted me hours ago:  Shhhhh.  Happy Anniversary.
He's mean.
I told him don't look at me or talk to me for at least 10 minutes.

Dispite all his flaws.  He is really handy and
cooks all kinds of tasty treats. He was good
to my mother, loves my family, and all the
kids.

I drag home all the handmade workshop
stuff I can find. And he, makes it better. 

 80s tired:

2015 Fabulous:

Yeah, I will keep him and try to remember
the 13th of each month before he does.

Happy 18 years and 4 months of dating
bliss, Mr. Lee. 

Anniversary

There are two ways of spreading light; 
to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.
 
  ~Edith Wharton

Mr. Lee and I recently celebrated our 
wedding anniversary.  It's such a special 
day for us.  

Perfectly placed as a gate way to our favorite
seasons:  the fall and winter. 

Time tick ticking away.

Holly took this picture of us nearly two years 
ago.  Pumpkins Pumpkins. See her little shadow.

1946 - 2015

Today would have been my parent's 69th
wedding anniversary.
They had the real deal.
Thick or thin.
In sickness and in health.
Through difficult circumstances,
there was NEVER a thought of divorce.

Today, I'll celebrate their memory
and the strength of their commitment.

 .

Marriage Bliss

Mr. Lee knows it was his smile.
His perfect warm smile to first attract me.
Then, his sharp and intelligent wit
that keeps me engaged.

Happy Anniversary.
It continues to be a wild ride.
Mountains and valleys.
Acres of compassion and patience.
The kind of love with capacity for
continued growth.

they slipped briskly into
an intimacy from which
they never
recovered.

                 F. Scott Fitzgerald

My Parents' Anniversary

My mother and father were married 42 years
when my father passed away. Married
on this date in 1946. They had five
children and immigrated to the States.
Brave.

Hortencia

Mother cared for father through six
heartbreaking years of Alzheimer's.
She was proud to say she only had
one man in her life and recalled
his full name even when she had forgotten mine.

Girl of our own

My parents were high spirited and spoke in
loud often argumentative voices.  They, however,
never uttered the word divorce.  They were faithful.
My mother would say the worse thing in marriage
is jealously and the best is peace.

My father was a man's man, talented storyteller,
gardener and animal whisperer.  The tears roll
as I reminiscence.  I could never suffer abuse at
at the hands of a man because my father
treasured me. 

My mother's calling was as a caregiver to people.
Mother's greatest regret was not becoming a nurse.
She taught me to live without regrets. 



They were both strong willed, compassionate,
and generous souls.  They were honest and
proud of their children and would have been
married sixty-eight years today.

Marriage Built to Last

Success in marriage, depends on being able,
when you get over love, to really love.
                                     Eleanor Roosevelt

Happy Anniversary, Mr. Lee.
You are my light, strength and encouragement.
We share laughter and pain.
Find joy and mourn together.
We pray and humble ourselves.

For three days before our wedding
I was a mess, just an evil fear filled
bride.  My heart could not sustain
the thought of ever getting divorced,
again. You were my anchor then as
now.

The secrets for your own happy marriage.

1.  Pick well, don't EVER settle.
     Listen to your little voice.

2.  The more things in common the better.
      Opposites may attract, but it rarely lasts.

3.  Avoid addictions of any kind.  Seriously.
     You can't change anyone,
     no matter HOW much you love them.

4.  Put your mate first.
     For success both partners must commit to put the other first.

5.  Hold you anger.  Fight FAIR.  Love IS patient and kind.

6.  Remember why you fell in love.
     Imagine your partner's 8 year old face.

7.  Everyone is irritating at times.

8.  Allow for distance when one or both partners are tired.

9.  Don't go to bed angry.
     Don't leave the house angry.
     Don't say anything in the HEAT of the moment, only to regret it later.

10. NEVER utter the word DIVORCE.

Commit and be true.  We all carry useless worn out luggage into our
relationships.  We also carry the luggage our partners may not
be able to bear. Growing up, my brother and I would wake up to
our parents arguing every morning.

Joe and I would pray for a divorce.
It was years later, during my father's illness, when
I witnessed the depth of my mother's love.
To her dying day she could recall his full name and
identify him in photographs.

I choose to NOT have my children pray for their parents' divorce,
to set a GOOD example for the watchful eyes of children,
nieces and nephews and friends. 

All the pain/cobwebs of the past must be cleared for a joyful
marriage.  If growing up you witnessed harm, if
as a child, you weren't protected from an ugly marriage or
a parade of bad parental relationships, how will you cope?
How will you NOT be a magnet doomed to repeat
the errors of your memories.   Face your fears,
address the past to ensure a bright future.

No one gets married planning for divorce.
Divorce is devastating
to couples, families and to social structure.

A marriage is not the uniting of halves,
it is the uniting of wholes.
United for love, care and companionship.

 More my love.

Whew What a Weekend

When Lee and I are beyond exhaustion like tonight, we
listen, not watch, As time Goes On with Dame Dench as Jean.

We started with an all day date.
A bit of shopping.
Lunch with friends.

Vintage Flair. Trying on a crown for size.

Glitterfest.

 

And rounded out the evening with
Noche of Calacas. Taste tested tequila and decorated
sugar skulls. 

Sugar skulls.

Altar.

On Sunday,  I attended Craft for a Cure.
A fundraiser for breast cancer.

A hostess' book list. 
Piripiri Starfish add to my Amazon UK wishlist.
My eyes tear up with my bucket list dream of Portugal.

A hostess' dream studio.

My tweet bird.

Queen of Treats..glitter heaven. 

Treats for attending. Check out the ring under
the dome.  There were prizes and I won a fabulous
necklace.  Saving that treat for another day.

15th Dating Anniversary

Mr. Lee and I have celebrated each month since our first date.
A Friday the 13th long ago.
Thirteen is still my lucky number.

Still celebrating our blessed life.

Things we have in common.
The love of cute things for me to wear.
I am the queen of costume jewelry.
We choose bright colors with a vintage sweetness.

Japanese bookstores like Kinokuniya.
Seriously any bookstore will do.
Including used books.
See "Sawing"  should be "Sewing"
Sense of humor...a must have in our relationship.

Sterling Silver roses from our cottage garden.

Princess shoes. Glitter, lights, and jewels.

Watching kids play.


Creating lists of road trip locations to visit.  Miette in San Francisco.  

Creating craft lists.
Honey dos.

VoVo Remembered

A few weeks ago Holly's teacher asked her if she visited with her grandparents.
"Oh, yeah," she said.  "I see my VoVo all the time but only in my dreams.
My VoVo has a lot of friends."  It was a little while later that the teacher
realized that Holly was talking about someone who had passed away.

This little story was shared with my siblings because it is such a great comfort to think that VoVo 'has so many friends.'  When I told my sister last night she said, "Of course, mother always had lots of friends."

My mother had a wonderful relationship with Holly.  She would always say, "That one, I take in my soul."

I understood what she meant. She loved her so much that she could not bear to leave her entirely.  Holly always stayed physically close to VoVo.  While Jacob would ask to visit the rehab center. he would stay physically distant.  Holly wasn't shy or scared.  She would get right up and sit on VoVo's bed.
They are connected through eternity. 

Last weekend we took the long road trip up north to help my brother move. Holly had asked if we were going to visit VoVo?  What other four year old asks to visit a cemetery?  Unfortunately, we didn't have enough time but I promised we would visit at the end of December.

Yesterday, on the second anniversary of VoVo's death, as we sat in church, Holly asked, as she pointed to the altar, "Will VoVo be up there?"  It was no small feat to get all eight of us out of the house by 8:30 but there we were children, grandchildren and a great grandchild because we all knew it mattered to VoVo.

After mass and breakfast, we headed to Roger's Gardens in the pouring rain.  Nothing would have made VoVo happier than to see all of us laughing together.

.


I had to do a double take on this one.  To the left of my niece, Christine, is a woman
that just for a split second looked just like my mother. Christine says she feels VoVo's
presence all the time.  She finds VoVo's tokens: pennies and bobby pins every where.

 

Holly, Antonio and Jacob or as they refer to themselves "cousins."
VoVo's legacy lives.  We all gathered in a garden to recall our
beloved.

I believe in Miracles

Yes. Yes.  I said "I do" ten years ago today.  Yes. Yes. I had to wait until I was all grown with children to be trusted with the heart of a man that would weather whatever storm we encounter.

Thank you, my love, for providing sunshine and shade.  For being brave...in all the trials.  For praying...through good and bad times.  You, dear heart, do God's work every day and I am blessed to be a witness to your courage and love.

Thank you for being a best friend, husband and loving Daddy to all the kids.

Who We Are

This photo was taken nearly 11 years ago at my girlfriend's wedding.
Can you see how proud we are to be together.  
My girlfriend, Chrisy, and I  have been friends since we were four.
We have weathered many storms and our lives have, often times, paralleled each other. 
We have traveled the mountains and valleys together. 
We started kindergarten together and survived junior high school ( I don't care that it is called middle school now), bad relationships, divorces, career drama, and the losses of all our parents.

When I study this photo, I recall a beautiful wedding, and I see us for who we are.

Lee and I have both been blessed with deeply rooted friendships.  Friends so close
with so much history. In the past two years, too many of Lee's
friends have passed on too young.  This understanding of the precious quality of life
has made us even more appreciative of all the wonders of living.

This is how we live and love with our hearts on our sleeves.  Willing to be hurt so we can
feel the depth of love.
 To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips. Kahlil Gibran
1923