Our Lady of Fatima

Although the threads of my life have
often seemed knotted,
I know by faith, that on the other side of the
embroidery there is a crown. 
                             Corrie ten Boom
 
Mericia, my oldest sister,
was devoted
to our Lady of Fatima.
She visited Fatima, Portugal during
her battle with cancer. 

All these years later her example
still warms my heart.
She loved to pray the rosary.
It was a  beautiful devotion.

Remembering Mericia

Happy Birthday, Mericia.
Oh, to have been blessed by grace.

My own understanding wasn't broad
enough to accept the witnessing of grace.
Grace: what we receive but don't deserve.

My oldest sister was one month shy of her 45th
birthday when she passed away.  It has been
over twenty years, still I recall the blue
of her soulful eyes, the depth of her faith, and
the strength of her will.

Our family: Mother and Prima Texeira. Mericia (in bandana), Dulce.
Joe, me and my other brother, Ilidio.  Rare occasion when all the
siblings were together. 

Mericia, in the middle in blue. 

What a beauty.


My witness of her silent suffering,
built strength and resolve in my heart.
I knew if confronted with my own pain and suffering
I would want to stand as a testament as she did.

Missing you today.
May you continue to rest in peace my
beloved.  

Grace at Thanksgiving

Ephesians 1 15:23
Romans 12:2

Grace is what we receive but don't deserve.

My oldest sister, Mericia, was deeply faithful.
She was 18 years older and very old
fashioned. Today,  she would
probably be the poster child for traditional
values.

Not me, in 5th grade I became a feminist.
Accepting of all people and unconventional.
Commencing my magnetism for
wounded souls.
Hippie spirited.

At home, we were raised traditionally,
at celebrations,
men would eat first, then the women and then
the women would clear and wash up.

Boys were given enough rope to hang
themselves and girls were watched closely.

Yeah, whatever, this is America and I was not
going to conform. 

With two small children, my beautiful
36 six year old sister was diagnosed
with cancer.  A death sentence of 6 months.
Her physician sent her home
to get her affairs in order.

She kept journals and recorded a
message for each of  her children.

She prayed daily for a little more
time with her children. She was
faithful and didn't complain.
In a twist of cruelty, from the
radiation, she lost the ability to tear.
She could cry but the relief from tears
did not come.

My witness of her suffering,
her unwavering faith, and
commitment helped plant the
seed of compassion.
She held a deep belief,
no matter what
suffering was sustained
here on earth, her
reward would be in heaven.
She believed this with absolute conviction.

I am a better person for having
loved her. By witnessing grace,
my spirit grew.

Mericia lived on
for 7 years beyond her diagnosis.
She'd say, "We never know."

Be grateful in all things.
Not only the good, but
what develops our spirit,
what expands our servant
attitude, and in all things
prepare for His
kingdom.

For these things and so much more
I am truly blessed. 
Happy Thanksgiving my beloved. 

            Mr. Lee's siblings.  Top: Patrick, Ginny, Mr. Lee 
                       Spouses Bottom:  Denise, John, me                   

Hands of Gold

Mãos de ouro..... translates to hands of gold.  The spinning of
treasures from our hands.  This is how my mother would recognize
the talent of another woman. 

This quilt top was entirely sewn by hand by my sister, Mericia, over 20 years ago.
This precious connection to the past is entrusted to my care now. 
Running my hand over her meticulous stitches,
I can feel her working through her own worries, regrets and concerns.

It is all there in the thought placed on each patch.  Joy and sorrow.  

Mericia

My oldest sister, Mericia, was so faithful.
Not the faithfulness that is convenient or
simply housed in a church building and then
put of  away the rest of the week. Not
the faithfulness of today were we talk about
Jesus and the love of God and then forget
to vote our faithfulness to help those less
fortunate then ourselves: the poor, elderly and children.


In the photograph above, she is just full of
joy as she has her first child baptized.
I don't believe another
photograph exists that so clearly expresses her happiness.

It was her faithfulness that 
carried her through the battle of her life.  Cancer.

Today marks the twentieth year of her passing. 

Her children missed growing up with their mother,
we missed our sister and our mother
missed her daughter to her dying day.
During the last year of Mericia's life,
our mother provided around the clock care.
They were both very brave.

We, kids, used to joke that
you had to be sick for our
mother to really care. It was our
way of denying and of coping.


What I gained by losing both my father and sister
so early in  life was you mustn't take anything
for granted.

Life is precious.  Don't squander it away.
There is no time like the present.
I learned that grace is getting what you don't deserve. 
I learned to not leave the house mad.
To risk loving even if it your heart gets broken.
To not complain, at least, not often.
To smile even if you feel like crying.
To live every day as if it were your last.  
To not have regrets.
I learned that through your own suffering
you can help others.
Jesus came for everyone not just the people
you agree with.
And that God is good.

Azores Dreaming

This is my sister Mericia in a cabin on the island of Pico, Azores.  

This November will mark the 20th year of her passing.  I am guessing that she is under 30 years old in this photo.  This photo is significant because even though it is faded by years it is a peek into my psyche.   Check out the fabric patterns, the fading beauty, the crisp clean white counters, the oil lamp and the white iron bed.  In my bedroom sits a new iron headboard and in my mother's room sits a black iron bed.   These things that speak to my soul are planted deep in my memories and positive experiences. 

Mericia was the oldest and eighteen years my senior.   We were separated when my family immigrated to the United States and she had to stay.  I don't know if I have ever gotten over the sense of abandonment that I could not verbalize until much later.  

Through her life, she did not believe in divorce, her faith and her suffering, I found strength to leave a marriage simply because I did not want to die married to a man that let the air out of my balloon every day.  If you have ever experienced this feeling you will understand. 

In just a few days, I will be celebrating the anniversary of a very happy union. 

Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm. Winston Churchill