Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday, Nicholas Joshua.
Nicholas because my oldest sister,
Mericia was born on St. Nicholas Day.
She was very sick when Nicholas was born.
Joshua because it means Jesus in Hebrew.

Nicholas was fragile,  born  a month early
at 5 lbs 2 oz, he was a tiny peanut. 
The pediatrician said he may not make it
through his first night. 
I thought go f*** yourself doc.


Twenty-four candles.
He was born to serve.
Proudly serving in the U.S. Army.

We have been estranged for nearly 10 years.
An ugly divorce and an ex-Mr. Wonderful.
I know, there are murderers out there lucky
enough to be visited by their children.

I am sad to say I may not recognize
my own child on the street.
It's a hard thing to be a mother.

He is in my daily thoughts and prayers.

Be blessed my darling.
Happy Birthday.

Happy Birthday, Soldier

Holidays and birthdays are always hard.
I haven't  seen or talked to my second son,
Nicholas since he was 14.  I send
unanswered notes and cards.
Nicholas, turns
23 today, he is serving in the
US Army.
 
As I prepared to write this post
I prayed.  My shameful disclosure is
shared here to possibly help
another estranged parent.

There is help and we are not
alone, today I found Daily Strength Groups
Parents of Estranged Adult 
Children.  My own estrangement was
collateral damage of an ugly divorce.
The legal
system is just that, a legal system,
not a justice system.
The one with the most money wins.

One son chose to live with us and the
other with his father.  The child we
raised has a relationship with his father
and extended family.  We encouraged him
to maintain relationships and remind him
of birthdays, father's day and other
important dates.  These simple acts
of kindness are not
reciprocated.   

We have missed out on a child
growing into a man and all
the details of his life.

I stood at his high school graduation
uninvited. No invitation, no graduation
pictures.  Nothing.
It's the pay back forever.
Daily prayer is sent his way.
Soften his heart, Lord.
Whisper forgiveness and peace.
Open his eyes, Sweet Jesus.

Happy Birthday, my precious child.
May you stay safe.
Live your dreams.
Be blessed, Mom.

Veteran's Day a Son's Story

My son, Nicholas, is serving in the United States Army.

What an honor and a privilege.
He was born to serve.
Called to serve. 
At the age of 7, he shared
that he would enlist in the Army when he
grew up.
I encouraged him to go Air Force, anything,
but not the Army.  He told me, "No matter
what you say I will not change my mind."

He is strong willed and determined.
My heart swells with pride.
Being in the service was his dream.

My father served in the Portuguese
Army and his paternal grandfather
served in the US Navy. 

Mr. Lee and I are both immigrants
of  this amazing land.  We are cognoscente
of the many sacrifices
our veterans and their families make.

Lord, we pray all those serving will be
kept safe. May their families be
encouraged by our sincere gratitude.

Happy Birthday

Nicholas, my second son,  turns 21 today.  Honestly, where does the time go?  As the result of an ugly divorce,  his older brother came to live with me and Nicholas stayed with his father. It wasn't as cut and dry as all that but that was the end result. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't wonder what I could have done differently but in reality it wasn't my decision.  At the time, there was very little I could do  without causing more damage.  It is a legal system, not a justice system,  after all, and the one with the most cash  or better attorney (same thing) still wins.

On the day of his birth, the pediatrician told me he didn't know if Nicholas would make it through the night.  He was born early, he had a low birth weight, it was turning into a cold winter and he had an extreme case of jaundice.  But survive he has with a taste for pickle juice, hot salsa and salty chips.

Twenty-one is a golden age.   A milestone.   The age when suddenly adulthood can no longer be denied.
We love you dear heart. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

Nicholas in my mother's garden. 

Happy Birthday Nicholas

Nicholas is nineteen today. I've been going through some old photos. Nicholas was so blonde as a little guy. Hope you have the best day. We love you so very much.

Graduation

Nicholas graduated from high school today. I watched from afar as they called his name. If you are out there NicholasPicolas I still remember when you would say "IG Joe" and "I keem cone" time flies and time heals all wounds.

And as my brother reminded me today "prayer works." God bless everyone that keeps me in their prayers.