Accept, Acknowledge and Proceed

A mistake is simply another way of
doing things.

                               Katherine Graham

My heart is full in this little cottage.
Surrounded by the people, kitties, and things
I adore.

I had a text from work today asking if I was
bored.  I could never get bored, right
now I am not physically or mentally able to do
all that I want to do.  My body and is recuperating,
and even though much of my chronic hip pain is
gone, I feel sore.  Sore like the flu, but I don't have
the flu.

I only read today in Where Women Create,
issue Nov/Dec/Jan 2016, an article
on Carol Darilek, describing her bout
with breast cancer where she says, "For
a while, my creativity disappeared as 
I concentrated on healing emotionally and physically."

Please, don't misunderstand, I am not comparing my
condition with cancer but a light bulb did go on.
It took over 3 years of pushing my very human
hip to its limit before I acknowledged something had
to be done.  I didn't before, but I am validating my
old pain and exhaustion.

Day 4: On Reflection

It has been brought to my attention
that my count down at work has appeared
joyful;  like the excitement prior to a vacation.

Mr. Lee also shared that I may have
scared some of my loved ones. Letting
them know that I was okay with dying,
apparently is not a comfort.

For me, surgery is scary.  Like
my big sister, Mericia, used to say, you never know.
In truth, I live my life like you never know.
Don't leave home angry, tell people you love
them, and say you are sorry.  Be vulnerable.

But if you love and must needs have desires,
let these be your desires: To melt and be like
 a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

― Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

I have traveled

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' five stages of grief:
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, 
Depression, and Acceptance.

Only this time, I skipped over the first three
stages right to Depression then on
to Acceptance.  Right now, I am 
celebrating.  Pain gets old fast 
and I have experienced some form of 
chronic pain since the age of 
14.  Last Monday was the kicker, 
I just wanted my right leg to 
drop off and the pain to stop.

Now is the time to be excited, to 
welcome the possibility of relief. 
I've never felt abandoned by God
or required the comfort of addiction.

My journey has only molded a better,
stronger, more compassionate version
of living.

Pondering Chronic Pain

 


In 7th grade I broke my middle finger playing
volleyball.  Surgery was necessary because I had
a couple of bone chips floating in there.


When it was time to remove the metal pin.
The male nurse, I mention this only because
a female nurse probably wouldn't have said
this to a 7th grader,
said, "Mind over matter,"
and yanked the pin sticking out with a pliers.
My girlfriend, Chrisy, watched with amazement
as the blood gush from the end of my finger.

To this day I use the concept of mind over matter
to cope with excruciating pain.

Visits to markets and thrift stores distract me
like no pain medicine can.

 Vintage Marketplace, Rainbow, Ca.