Pondering Chronic Pain

 


In 7th grade I broke my middle finger playing
volleyball.  Surgery was necessary because I had
a couple of bone chips floating in there.


When it was time to remove the metal pin.
The male nurse, I mention this only because
a female nurse probably wouldn't have said
this to a 7th grader,
said, "Mind over matter,"
and yanked the pin sticking out with a pliers.
My girlfriend, Chrisy, watched with amazement
as the blood gush from the end of my finger.

To this day I use the concept of mind over matter
to cope with excruciating pain.

Visits to markets and thrift stores distract me
like no pain medicine can.

 Vintage Marketplace, Rainbow, Ca.

On Not Being Brave

I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
                                                     Philippians 4:131

Vintage Market, Turlock, CA

Soon I will be flying out to Fort Worth.
It's been nine years since I have traveled
alone.  For goodness sake, I have
four children spanning 20 years because
I like company. 

This is the first time since I am this disabled.
I never rent a car so I will be counting
on public transportation.

The reservationist says my hotel
is only a block from the convention center.
A block, strikes fear in my heart.
I may not be able to walk a block
or walk the convention floor between
sessions. 

Remnants of the Past

My greatest downfall, I don't like
to ask for anything but especially help.
As a little girl of 5, I had to speak for my
parents, ask questions, ask for help.
To this day this strikes fear in my heart.

When I feel the related anxiety, I engage in
self talk.  I speak English, I encourage my
heart and mind.  My parents came across an ocean,
across this great land, without speaking
a word of English  They were so
brave.  I don't feel brave.