This is how we do it

I have been asked if losing my mother is bittersweet. I've given that question a lot of thought. Yes, I am in the bitter part but I have not reached the sweet. I am sure that the sweet memories will eventually overwhelm the feeling of loss. It is the loss, emptiness, and just being lost in this world that envelops me now. My mind reassures me that my mother is no longer suffering but my heart is not listening. The heart feels what the heart feels. Feelings are not right or wrong they just are.

So much to do, to accomplish, but at the same time the loss of ambition and desire for living. I don't even know where to start. For nearly five years our lives have revolved around VoVo's needs and now she doesn't need us any more...it is a bitter pill.

This was our last road trip with VoVo. Lee drove her while I followed with the rest of our family. Two vans with one mission. We left the Inland Empire around 7:30 a.m. on Monday morning and went to bed at 10:00 p.m. I am not going to lie, we made the trip fun because we have two little ones that really get the seriousness of our trip.

The minute we arrived in Half Moon Bay I felt at home. A deep sense of relief and comfort. I have always known that I grew up in a blessed place. While our visit was focused, I was able to visit the church I grew up in and light four large candles in my mother's honor. To be able to bring her to where she loved and be able to put her to rest between my father and sister means so much. I realize that most people would not want to make such a long trip with their deceased loved ones but we felt that it was the last act of kindness and love that we could bestow.

With the exception of two grandchildren, she had the remaining nine grandchildren and all six of her great-grandchildren at her grave side. It was a deep comfort to have my two friends from my childhood with me, Chrisy and Aileen. My two brothers especially Joe who has stood beside me or behind me every step of the way. My nieces, nephew and their beautiful children. This is the circle of life. We placed roses in her grave: Julia counted 22 red and 3 pink. Thank you.

My cousins, Fatima and her husband Norberto, hosted the reception. We were far away from home and they opened their hearts and home to all of us. We celebrated VoVo's life. We can not thank them enough for breaking bread with us, for decorating the grave site with beautiful flowers (Christmas cactus that VoVo adored) for sharing their home. Thank you.

To friends and colleagues from near and far that continue to embrace us through their thoughts, prayers, expressions of love, and notes of concern: God bless you all. Your acts of kindness have carried us through the deep fog. Thank you for continuing to read this blog. I promise that as time goes on we will return to our cooking, crafts, road trips and all that is our family.