VoVo would be proud

Last night I was watering in the dark. There is was my Ecke poinsetta. I purchased it last
Christmas from Jenny, at work, as a school fundraiser. Jenny had wanted to trade because it wasn't the best specimen. But look at it...the red color is even coming in. Amazing.

Exhaustion Sets In

We are all sick. Started with Holly and worked it's way through each of us. Only Jacob has been spared so far.

Missed seeing VoVo because we can not risk getting her sick.

Marmelade (Quince Jam)

It is Portuguese language lesson day.

I've received some questions about the canning the of marmelade I made yesterday. You can find the recipe I used here quince jam (quince is also called honey apple). I looked through quite a few recipes but this seemed like a simple but good one where I could achieve success the first time. I've only made berry jams but I knew what the jam should look and taste like. If you use the attached recipe, I recommend cutting the sugar down to three cups of sugar instead of the recommended four cups but taste as you add sugar for your own preference. I also cooked my jam for a lot longer than the recipe called for but my fruit took longer to test tender. The fruit has to be cooked completely. I did not double the recipe but used the recommended six packed cups of grated raw fruit may batch netted 3 full pints. Tomorrow I will make another batch so I will let you know.

Quince is primarily a backyard fruit although I have found it at farmer's markets in the past. We are right in the middle of the fruit's season so this is a good time to look. The quince I used was received as a gift from my mother's caregiver. Dulce is the one that noticed the marmelo tree and the meyer lemon trees. We were excited because it is such a traditional jam in our culture.

The recipe was easy and tasty. The fruit can not be eaten raw but is delightful in jam. The taste is unique but reminds me of an apple/pear/honey combination.

Thank you, again, for your support during this very difficult time.

Saudade

They will only be little for a minute. Holly, Jacob and Antonio sharing a snowcone. How is life so painful and sweet at the same time?


I've been wanting to share this Portuguese word with you but I had no way to explain the overwhelming feeling that it evokes.

But I read about it here on this blog . The comments are below:

Saudade is the Portuguese word. Its poetic meaning is very difficult to translate and I believe it really defines us as a people.

This is so true. This is the word I use to express my longing to my mother and she says it back. "Saudade" is how I feel just a deep longing and love that no single English word can express.

Near and Far

Here is my get along gang visiting VoVo probably at Thanksgiving time in Half Moon Bay. I am guessing that Nicholas is 7 and Mark is probably 11 or so. The is my nephew Joey. Yes, we are all a lot thinner then.

If nothing else, VoVo has brought family and friends together from near and far. Staci corrected me yesterday VoVo does have 11 grandchildren but she has 6 great-grandchildren. I hope that everyone,that includes me, will make more of an effort to stay in touch even if that means just a Christmas card each year with a photo. I promise to make more of an effort, too. Relationships need nurturing just like any living thing. Staci, please send photos.

Last night I received a phone call from my very dear childhood friend, Aileen. It has been difficult staying in touch with such busy lives and distance between us but whenever we do get an opportunity to talk it's like no time has passed.

Yesterday with Holly home sick I tried keep busy while keeping her cozy. It takes effort because what I would really like to do is stay in bed all day and feel sorry for myself but my mother would never ever approve. So to honor all that she has taught me I got up and made quince jam and banana muffins.

Later, I went to visit VoVo and sat and read antidotes and recipes from Sweetie Pie aloud to her. She seemed comforted by my voice. There was always so much happening at our house. VoVo is accustomed to chaos: the sound of the TV in the background and children talking and laughing. With three kids, two cats and a dog there "something," I use the term loosely, always going. There's not a moment of quiet until everyone goes to bed. On weekend evenings VoVo would knit on her sofa and I would sit on my sofa with some craft and we would watch Lawrence Welk .

Never ever a dull moment.

Visiting VoVo

Yesterday we all sang happy birthday and VoVo ate ice cream. When she was done she said, "Thank you." VoVo is pretty much non verbal now and doesn't really feel like eating. It is hard because I have to take cues from the way she engages with me with her eyes but every once in a while she speaks to us.

Yesterday when my sister Dulce kissed her for what will probably be the last time, my brave mother said, "Please, don't cry." We should comfort her and she comforts us.

This is a photo of my three older siblings. Dulce, Ilidio and Mericia. Mericia passed away in November of 1991. To this day, my mother says it was the hardest loss she has ever endured.

VoVo's Birthday

Today is Mae's (mother in Portuguese) birthday. I normally sleep well but for the last four years sleep has become more difficult. My brain is always trying to solve whatever problem. Lee and I have been in pre-grieving since February just waiting for the "other shoe" to drop.

Side note, have you ever noticed that we have a million channels on TV but nothing to watch.

Any way, my extended family will go home today. We had originally planned to be together to celebrate VoVo's birthday and that is what we are going to do. When my good friend's brother Jose passed away, too early in life, my friend spoke of the "dash" between his date of birth and the day of his passing. I am sure I had heard it before but this time the significance of her statement stuck with me.

Everything is about the dash for each of us. We have to make the time count, make our lives count, and give meaning to our lives. It is probably why we have an epidemic of depression in our county because every one is seeking joy outside of themselves instead of looking in. The money and prestiage will never fill the void, drugs, alcohol, spending, and denial will never fill the void.

My parents did not have formal educations but they knew how to do everything from animal husbandry to caring for the dead. They were amazingly simple people. Hard working, honest with boat loads of integrity. I say this because integrity is in short supply these days. They were not the type of people that went to church on Sunday and cheated on their taxes in April. My mother would always say that there was One watching. My mother didn't want the value of a penny if it weren't rightfully hers. If you are raising children how you behave will be much more powerful then what you say. Children watch your every step and every miss step. Believe me, if you want your children to behave a certain way display that behavior. Say thank you and please. Dress your children like they matter. keep them clean and well groomed. Set high standards. A little fear of authority and respect for others persons and property matter, too. All these things matter to my mother. So did white laundry (I mean brilliant white) and a spotless house mattered.


My parents immigrated to a foreign land at the ages of 49 and 40. Would I have the courage and tenacity to do that? No no I am a sheltered individual. Not until recently have I even considered moving out of state let alone out of country. Before my siblings started getting married and having children of their own we had our parents and each other. And those memories are what have sustained me through this time. I want to crawl back to my four year life when things felt safe. reach back to a time when I had my big sisters and brothers to watch over me.

Whenever I weaken I think of my mother's words, "We have a soul to give God" and anecdotes like:

Whatever is for us is for us.
Confront your life and move forward.
You have to love your little plants, talk to them and confide in them.
The best years of your life are when your children are small but you do not realize it.
Education and your good name are all that you take with you.
Only one man in my life; all my life.
If you have a well kept garden it adds a room to your house.

She had only one real regret and that was not having confided her passion for nursing to her own father. She preferred the company of the elderly and to garden by the moon light.

My mother has 11 grandchildren and two great grandchildren. On the left we have three generations represented with Christine representing the oldest grandchild from the oldest sibling and Holly representing the youngest grandchild from the youngest sibling.

Someone adapted James Matthew Barrie's quote of “God gave us memory so that we might have roses in December" to God gave us memories so that we might have roses in winter and mother's forever.

We love you and will never forget the lessons you taught us and example you gave us.


Happy Birthday, Mae.