Pumpkin Cottage

Pumpkin Cottage
sit and visit a spell

Monday, November 9, 2009

Feeling Alone

This photo represents so much of who we are. There is my brother, baby Holly, me and VoVo in the rear. For four years we all traveled together. VoVo is such a trooper always keeping up with us. And Lee documenting everything.

Honestly, I can not explain it but my brother said it last night and I feel it too. Such a sense of being "alone" not lonely just alone. Unless you have had to watch someone slowly slip away while acting normal and just going about your tasks you may not have experienced this type of alone.

I wouldn't wish this empty feeling with the sense of the crushing longing all at the same time. It's the feeling you get with a bad dream when you can not run away or scream. Who would hear you any way? It's a road I didn't need to travel to appreciate all the blessings in my life. A lesson I would have preferred to miss. But, what I really miss is the woman my mother used to be. There is a purpose in this suffering. A purpose in my mother's strength that she not only clings but is fighting for her life. Seek joy I keep telling myself. Seek joy and be thankful.

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