Estranged

For nearly eight years, I have grieved for a son who chooses not to see me.
I haven't seen my No. 2 son, heard his voice or even know what he looks like.
We became estranged after a very ugly custody battle, I commenced at his request. 
He was 14 and had requested to come live primarily with me, his stepfather, older brother, 
and baby brother.  His father and I had joint legal and physical custody with No. 2  living primarily with his father. No. 2 son had decided it was time to transition before starting high school. 

How had this horrible situation come to pass?  It is simply a terribly flawed legal, not justice, system. 
A manipulative selfish father with money on his side.  My inability to argue for reasonableness or fairness. In custody battles there are 3 types of fathers: the father that sacrifices everything for the wellbeing of their children, the father that gives begrudgingly,  and the father that puts property above all else. Mothers are guilty of heinous acts, too.

I fought with dignity and did what I thought was best and relinquished my children to their father initially.  At the time, it seemed like the lesser of two evils.  Less damage to the boys.  After just one year, at the age of  14, No. 1 came to live with us.  No. 2 son was told, by this father, that he, too, could join us at the age of 14. That promise was broken.  No. 2 was welcome anytime but his desire to live with us was not granted.  

No. 2 son witnessed the punishment of No. 1.  Recall the old saying, "If you can't be good you will be a terrible example." No. 1 was cutoff from monetary things for a while.  No. 2 was showered with things continuously. No. 2 was told he was his father's favorite.  What parent says that?

Estranged, (of a person) No longer close or affectionate to someone; alienated, what a hurtful word. 
I pray every morning for the Lord to soften my son's heart.  Now, I will pray doubly for his safety as he enters the Army.  His life long aspiration.  My mother used to say that no one other than another mother understands our hearts.  We love them long before they are born.  Be plant a brave face in their suffering.  Our hearts live outside our bodies. 

I attended my son's high school graduation, uninvited, but I was there to hear his precious name called.  The photos his father promised never arrived. When our divorce became final, all those years ago, my children shared what their father said.  He told them I had given up  and simply walked away from our children and community property.  Not true, I never gave up, I got on my knees and prayed.  I did not and will not compromise for things.  For like my mother, continuously reminded me, I have a soul to give God. My children couldn't be cut into two equal pieces. They were suffering, they didn't want their dogs to be put down, as their father threatened, and they didn't want to lose the only home they had known.   We kept the dogs until their passing, one at 16 and the other at  17.  Their father continues to live in our former home.  All I wanted was for my children to feel secure.

Precious Lord
All knowing and compassionate
In your infinite wisdom
I ask that you soften the heart of my precious son
That you keep him safe, Lord
That you surround him in Your light

Help him to serve our great land in honor
Guide him to do Your will, my beloved Lord
Make my mother's heart strong for Your will

Lord, protect all the men and women in service
Provide peace and resolve to their families and loved ones
God bless America

Amen