Day 4: On Reflection

It has been brought to my attention
that my count down at work has appeared
joyful;  like the excitement prior to a vacation.

Mr. Lee also shared that I may have
scared some of my loved ones. Letting
them know that I was okay with dying,
apparently is not a comfort.

For me, surgery is scary.  Like
my big sister, Mericia, used to say, you never know.
In truth, I live my life like you never know.
Don't leave home angry, tell people you love
them, and say you are sorry.  Be vulnerable.

But if you love and must needs have desires,
let these be your desires: To melt and be like
 a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

― Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

I have traveled

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' five stages of grief:
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, 
Depression, and Acceptance.

Only this time, I skipped over the first three
stages right to Depression then on
to Acceptance.  Right now, I am 
celebrating.  Pain gets old fast 
and I have experienced some form of 
chronic pain since the age of 
14.  Last Monday was the kicker, 
I just wanted my right leg to 
drop off and the pain to stop.

Now is the time to be excited, to 
welcome the possibility of relief. 
I've never felt abandoned by God
or required the comfort of addiction.

My journey has only molded a better,
stronger, more compassionate version
of living.