Lomesome

Lonesome.   Have you ever felt lonesome even though
you are surrounded by people?

Today as I drove into work this song
Lead Me by Sanctus Real came on the radio. 
It was as if time stood still. My former life sneaked 
into my consciousness.  The pain still cuts, the hurt of a  very 
lonesome existence and the longing for the child I don't get tosee.


Time may heal wounds but if you have shared children
from a former relationship or marriage it is very difficult 
to let go and to rise above it all. Over and over again.

There is no simple answer to the question of divorce.
Many times I have warned friends to proceed with caution.

Divorce should never be taken lightly.
The word should NEVER escape your lips in anger. 
Divorce  is NOT an easy road or the lesser of two evils. 

Much better to pick very carefully and for life.  
The bible teaches us there is only one justifiable 
reason for divorce...adultery.     
If you divorce you are not supposed to remarry.

The world according to me.
I believe adultery takes many forms from work as 
the mistress.  How would you compete with a mistress
that provides worldly goods, seductive ego stroking,  and
cash?  A variety of sexual addictions, a preference for pornography, 
or what you can see lust for another.
Any abuse whether physical or emotion must not be tolerated.  
Compulsive behaviors gambling, drinking
or drugs must be viewed as red flags.  
Tell your future spouse that none of these behaviors  will be tolerated.
Talk. talk, talk about deal breakers. 
Don't stay for the kids, the house or 
"the blue plates" (When Harry met Sally).
The damage you do may do by staying may be
worse than struggling alone. 


As a Catholic I am only allowed to marry in the church once.
Annulling my former marriage would be necessary for me to
remarry in the church.  That is not happening because we share 
children.  I may be old school, but I do not receive communion.
I made a sacred vow before God, family and friends.
The vow of better or worse, in sickness and in health
and forsaking all others was broken.  

I carry the burden of a decision I was forced to make.

But I also carry the joy of a better life and two more 
beautiful children. The experience of a happy and 
solid marriage. Better than I could have ever imagined.

The fear of eventually being disabled, like I am now, 
pushed me to reach higher to not waste the treasured
life I was given.