Thursday, October 15, 2009
The get-along gang's Christmas card either 2007 or 2008. Brain a little fuzzy.
The little pumpkin from Nipomo, last weekend, reminds me of pumpkin time.
Today was VoVo's first day of hospice. Hospice is intended as a compassionate way for families to travel the last journey of their loved one's life. I cried all night anticipating the documents I would sign allowing the end of life extending treatments. In the twenty years since my father passed away, my mother and I have had many conversations regarding the end of life. We agreed then that if a decision needed to be made we trusted each other to make that decision at the appropriate time.
I remember reading On Death and Dying during my father's illness. It is an amazing book and what I learned then is still applicable today. It doesn't make it any easier but in my heart I know we have done our best by behaving in a loving way. My heart is broken but my tears are for me for my loss and for how much I miss her even now. We only have one mother.
In Susan Branch's The Summer Book there is a short essay on page 19 that starts with "Everything grows in my mother's garden," and ends with, "I want only this, my son to say one day, Everything grows in my mother's garden." For whatever reason these words have resonated with me all day. My mother knew how to do everything with special care but most of all my mother had the most beautiful gardens. I dragged my poor mother to every nursery in Southern California. My favorite is still Heard's Country Gardens. Mary Lou Heard passed away a few years ago but her nursery was our all time favorite. You could just sense the love of gardening. Nurturing of the soul through planting little seeds. My mother would always call her plants "amigas." It was the love that she bestowed on us and on her plants that made everything beautiful.
It is a family tradition to date and write in books when we offer them as gifts. For years now I have purchased books to commemorate joyous and painful times and have always written a message for later reflection. Today I purchased two books one for Lee and one for me to mark this day. The book I purchased for myself reminds me of my mother. Her thrift of making treasures from her hands for her family. For Lee, I just purchased a book I knew he would enjoy but not purchase for himself. His book as future road trips for our little get-along gang.
My heart is so heavy. I leave you with pictures. Tuesday is VoVo's birthday. This is also Pumpkin Festival weekend in Half Moon Bay. While VoVo lived in HMB we traveled to the Pumpkin Festival each year. It was our tradition.
My heart is in your heart, VoVo.