Pumpkin Cottage

Pumpkin Cottage
sit and visit a spell

Monday, December 3, 2012

Courage from illness

There is nothing more courageous or painful then 
letting go of children.  Releasing their grasp,
because there is no amicable way to share
their rearing without further damage.

Sweet Magnolias Farm at the Vintage Marketplace, The Oaks
When there is no possibility
of reconciliation, when the letting go of
stuff is not enough, 
when emotions run high and compassion runs low.

Escape, escape, escape.

To this day, I can travel to a moment
outside the courthouse. 
The piercing of our hearts.
Choosing the path of less harm.  
Grave decisions.  
Quiet resolve.
My boys thought I had given up.
It is what they were told them.
Oh, no dear hearts I had toiled in a marriage
that caused me physical harm.
A marriage where my emotional pain
internalized itself as disease.
Landed me in the hospital. 

The peace washes over me now as 
I recall my mother's comfort.
She come and cared for all of us
while I recouped in the hospital.
My two young boys:
Mark (5) and Nicholas (18 month) at the time.

Zapped by a bolt of lightening.
My illness, shook me awake.
It would take me another five years to prepare
for my escape. Escape.

A dark shadow would be cast on my life.
My second son would shut
me out of his life.

All days, but especially as we move
to the period of peace and light, my
heart aches.

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